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Sleeping Beauty Overview by Spam Productions

Plot Summary

A fast paced, up to date traditional Pantomime, with loads of colourful characters and audience participation.

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Prince Gallant – Principal Boy

Princess Libby – Principal Girl

Dame Steph Ascope – Nanny and cook to the Royal household

Twitters – A lively lad who is very light hearted. He is a bit silly, sees the funny side of things, works at the palace as the odd job man

Fairy Sessile – A fairy godmother that looks after Smileyville and tries to keep evil away

Fingers and Thumbs – Comedy duo. They work for the King

Lord Ditherer – the King’s head butler, fussy, meticulous and a worrier

King Charles the Spaniel – Always bossed by the Queen, frightened to stand up for himself. He tries to hide his financial problems

Queen Camilla – Lives in her own world, very self-centred. Loud and brash

Gran – Very streetwise with a cutting wit and repartee. Lives with the King and Queen

Orabelle – The evil witch, very cruel and sarcastic enjoys being unkind

 

Act 1

Prologue –   A cloud above the land of Smileyville
Scene 1 –      The Royal Palace ballroom
Scene 2 –      A corridor in the Palace
Scene 3 –      The Palace gardens
Scene 4 –      A corridor in the Palace
Scene 5 –      A room in the Palace
Scene 5a –   The Royal Palace ballroom

Act 2

Scene 1 –      The village of Smileyville – 100 years later
Scene 2 –      A footpath in the forest
Scene 3 –      The Royal Palace ballroom
Scene 4 –      A room in the Palace
Scene 5 –      Outside Orabelle’s den
Scene 6 –    A corridor in the Palace
Scene 7 –    The Royal Wedding

 

Prologue 

A cloud above the land of Smileyville

Fairy bells (S/F) and orange lighting SR (L/F)

Fairy Sessile enters front apron right with 4 smaller tree fairies and addresses the audience

Fairy Sessile – Welcome my friends and I’m Fairy Sessile

I bring you news to make you feel
Joyous and happy of an event on earth
It is a heart-warming royal birth
A baby girl and such a beauty
In fact she is a real cutie

Gesturing to the smaller fairies

We must now go and be on our way
To prepare for the royal christening day

The smaller fairies exit front apron right

I love party makes everyone happy
Just pleased I’m not changing a nappy

Lighting changes to green on front apron left as Orabelle enters and talks to the audience

Orabelle – A royal birth after all this age

Not a mention on my facebook page

Talks to Sessile

Oi goody two shoes, a royal baby born?

Fairy Sessile – Orabelle!

It’s true and that will make you scorn

Orabelle – You would think so, but I am happy

Just don’t expect me to change a nappy

Fairy Sessile –  You pleased, you are always sour

Never been in a pub during happy hour

Orabelle – Well see you at the christening, maybe

Letting friends know, # royal baby

Fairy Sessile – You have no friends and stay away

They won’t want you at the christening day
Every time you’re mean and full of malice
That’s why you are banned from the royal palace

Orabelle – Banned, we’ll see, and try as they might

Just looking forward to getting my invite

Addressing the audience

Time to get ready to the party I’ll go
See you all there and I will say ‘hello’

Orabelle exits apron left

Ha ha ha ha ha

Lighting changes back

Fairy Sessile – This is not good news, Orabelle is nothing but trouble

Must get back to Smileyville right at the double  
We all thought she died ages ago
And was scaring horrible people below
Won’t tell the others it ruin their day
So must keep my guard up and keep her at bay
So my friends I now think it’s time
To get on with this pantomime

Curtain opens as Sessile walks off front apron right

>Continue Reading …….

 

The Sleeping Beauty  |  Puss in Boots  |  Mother Goose  |  Dick Whittington and His Magic Cat  |  Dick Whittington Post Covid Edition  |  Cinderella  |  Aladdin  |  Jack and the Beanstalk  |  Jack and the Beanstalk Post Covid Edition

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Dick whittington - Sample Script

A hill overlooking London Town

Loud thunder crack(S/F) and green lighting SL (L/F)

King Rat enters AL 

King Rat – Ha ha ha ha ha. I have a feeling I am going to be so lucky tonight. I think I am going to be rich beyond my wildest dreams and live with my darling wife in the Mansion House. Yes the Mansion House, far to posh for any of you to live, the only way any of you could even set foot in there is if you were one of my servants. I am so clever and cunning that my unstoppable plan is for me to become ‘Lord Mayor of London’ so if any of you think differently on your Boris Bike with you. I rule the sewers and rubbish tips and all my rats are just waiting for me to give the order to invade London and scare everyone. Then they will look for their saviour and guess who that is… ME. Some of you were a bit slow on that, but looking round I can understand why

Queen rat enters AL

Queen Rat – What are you doing?

King Rat – Just talking to my friends dear

Queen Rat – You don’t have friends, I’ve seen your Facebook page. Now stop talking to this horrible lot and put my plan into action. I WANT TO BE IN THE MANSION HOUSE BEFORE THE END OF THIS PANTOMIME

King Rat – Yes dear, right away, on it like sonic

Queen Rat – To audience Looks like the holding pen for the Jeremy Kyle show. You have not heard the last of me you snivelling, grotty smelly mob

Queen Rat exits AL

King Rat – See what you’ve done, got me into trouble with my beautiful wife. Her plan, she meant my plan. Now to summon up my rats and take over London

Lighting on AR turns orange (L/F)

Bell music on Fairy entrance (S/F)

Fairy Ding-a-ling enters AR sniffing

Fairy Ding-a-ling – What a smell

LOL

King Rat – Shut the front door

I never met you before

Fairy – I know you haven’t and to audience nor have you

So without further ado
I am Fairy Ding-a-ling
I’ll tell you more as I sing

King Rat – No, not again this is not fine

It’s been done before in Pantomime

Fairy – So I’ll tell you then, so listen fast

Your reign of terror will not last
I am Ding-a-ling from the bells of bow
And they are very powerful you know

King Rat – Don’t frighten me the bells can’t harm

Especially with my good looks and charm

Fairy – Good looks? Oh please just stop

They wouldn’t improve with photo shop
And as for charm you are a phony
Lonely hearts are not that lonely

King Rat – If that’s all you’ve got to say

Goodbye fairy, be on your way
My plan is cunning to be fare
By the end of this Panto, I’ll be Lord Mayor

Fairy – You, Lord Mayor, leave me alone

Please bring back Ken Livingstone
You will fail, with options fewer
And your rats reject you from the sewer

Scene continues

Another Scene

Act 1
Scene 1 – Full stage

Outside Sam and Ella’s coffee shop

Full lighting (L/F)

Song 1 – Chorus

Set – coffee shop set up various table and chairs

After song Libby enters USR

Libby – Morning all, what a busy time we have today. These rats are everywhere and making things so difficult. I am so pleased we are sailing to Morocco tomorrow and getaway from these horrible vermin. I am so looking forward to getting away, aren’t you?

All – Yes

Villager1 – Libby why is the coffee shop called Sam and Ella’s?

Libby – It is named after my Dad and Mum. My Dad’s name is Sam and my Mum was called Ella

Villager2 – What happened to your Mum?

Libby – She became poorly and the Dr’s recommended we rub grease all over her body. She went downhill very quickly after that

Villager3 – It is so kind of you and your father to look after her Mum

Libby – I know she can be a bit of a handful, but she means no harm

Villager4 – Her she comes now

Gran enters USL dressed in spandex with a fake tan and windswept hair

Gran – There you are Libby, I’ve been looking for you. I had a 2 for 1 groupon voucher for the Spa and as I couldn’t find you I used them both

Libby – looking Gran up and down in disbelief

You used both on one visit?

Gran – Yes, you don’t want waste it, do you?

Libby – Yes Gran, do you want a coffee?

Gran – Oh yes, I’ll have a defecated Americano

Libby – Don’t you mean an ordinary decaffeinated black coffee?

Gran – That’s what I said

Alderman Sam enters SR

Sam – Morning all. I hope everything is in order for us to sail tomorrow; I am fed up with all these rats! Turns to see Gran Argh look there is one sitting in our coffee shop

Libby – Father that is Gran

Sam – Gran!!! Hello Gran what’s happened to you?

Libby – She’s been to the Spa

Sam – Was she mugged at the till?

Libby – Father, the health Spa. Are we sure this is the right decision to leave for Morocco?

Sam – Yes, we need a fresh start after your Mother died and these rats are unbearable. So everyone let’s get ready to move all our things down to the docks. Where is that lazy apprentice Billy, has anyone seen him?

Another Scene

Billy enters USL

Billy – Hello everyone my name is Billy and you are?

Every time I come on stage I will shout out ‘hello kids’ and you can shout back ‘hello Billy’ will you do that for me… Great now let’s give it a try. Hello kids….. etc.

Nautical music (S/F)

Captain Cod and Sidney Squid enter USR

Cod – Hello young man! I am the Captain of the SS Milly Band and this is my 1st mate Sidney Squid.

Billy – SS Milly Band, I’d change that if I were you

Cod – Do you know it is bad luck to re-name a ship?

Billy – Do you know it is bad luck to have the name Milly Band? Comes from the Latin to stab in the back

Cod – No, but luck has nothing to do with it. When you have all the experience that we have

Sidney – Yeh, we used to be in charge of the rowing boats and pedalo’s at the (local) lake. To the audience We had an incident yesterday, I shouted out ‘come in number 61 your time is up. Captain said ‘Sidney, we don’t have a number 61! I shouted ‘number 19 are you in trouble’

Billy – You seem a clever lad, so you work together as a team?

Sidney – Well yes, he does all the looking and I do all the work

Billy – How long?

Sidney – 5 foot 2 inches

Cod – Don’t listen to him, he is a gross ignoramus

Billy – What do you mean?

Cod – 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus. Now I need someone to help me, someone who is responsible

Sidney – That’s me, because every time something goes wrong, you say I’m responsible

Cod – See what I mean, he is so thick, if you gave him a penny for his thoughts you’d get change. Cod puts his arm around Billy’s shoulder so would you be interested in making some money?

Billy – Get orf

Cod – No I mean becoming a deck hand

Billy – A croupier, shuffling cards. No thanks; I am off before these two get me doing something I don’t want to do. See you later kids

Billy exits USR

Cod – Why did you tell him we worked at the boating lake? Are you trying to make me look stupid?

Sidney – No you can do that by yourself

Alderman Sam enters SR

Sam – Captain I’ve been looking for you. Are we ready for our voyage tomorrow?

Cod – Oh yes sir, we are. We’ve had the Milly Band refitted. New Anchor, new toilets, new galley and new gangplank

Sam – What about new sales and rigging?

Cod – We could not afford that, we tried to get a grant from the Welsh Assembly, they’ve run out of money, but we did get a new wheelie bin

Sam – Will the lack of new sales slow us down?

Cod – Yes it will, not sure what we can do

Nelly Crumb enters USL carrying her laundry. She does not acknowledge the others and pulls out a huge pair of knickers. All three look at the knickers and then each other

Sidney – I think we solved the sale problem

Another Scene

Fairy stands downstage as dick enters USL carrying his stick and bundle

Dick – I’ve walked all the way from Cardiff and now here I am in the streets of London and if I had known it was going to be this far I should have got people to sponsor me! Justgiving.com. These streets don’t look paved in gold, what am I to do. I am so hungry I could go down to Kentucky fried chicken and lick someone else’s fingers. I know I’ll get a job

Londoner enter SR

Dick – Do you know where I can get a job?

Londoner – You be lucky there are no jobs going round here

Londoner exits SL another enters SR

Dick – Do you know of anyone who is looking for a hard-working, honest and reliable person to employ?

Londoner – No one is hiring, the rats are scaring everyone away

Londoner exits SL

Dick – Rats, I hate rats, if only I could think of a way to get rid of them

Dick sits down and thinks

Fairy – This young man looks good enough to me

With his friend they can set us free
Of all the horrible smelly rats
I think it’s time to meet our cat

TC the magic cat sticks his head around USR flat

Song 2 – Top Cat

Top Cat theme music (S/F) TC does a tap dance

Dick does not see the cat; once the dance is finished he walks to the front of the stage whilst TC walks behind him, audience re-action

Dick – What?

Audience – Behind you

Dick moves round in a circle does not see TC

Audience – Behind you

Dick – Who are you?

TC whispers in Dick’s ear

Dick – Queasy?

TC shakes his head

Dick – Can’t be sleazy? Can it? No, is it Weasy?

TC shakes his head

Dick – Ok tell me again

TC whispers in his ear

Dick – Pleasey

TC – Shouts TC

Dick – TC, I know what that stands for ‘Top Cat’

TC shakes his head and a starts to tap dance

Dick – Tap Cat

TC nods his head in agreement

Dick – Well TC I hope we can be friends, do you know where I can get some work?

TC points to Sam and Ella’s as Libby enters SR

Libby – Hello what a picture of beauty, you are so handsome, what is your name?

Dick – Why thank you, Dick Whittington slaps his thigh it is nice to meet someone who has great taste

Libby – Sorry did you say something; I was talking to the cat

Prologue

Enquire Now

Dick whittington - post covid edition - Sample Script

A hill overlooking London Town

Loud thunder crack(S/F) and green lighting SL (L/F)

Covid  Rat enters AL  

Covid Rat – Ha ha ha ha ha. I have a feeling I am going to be so lucky tonight. I think I am going to be rich beyond my wildest dreams and live with my darling wife in the Mansion House. Yes, the Mansion House, far to posh for any of you to live, the only way any of you could even set foot in there is if you were one of my servants. I am so clever and cunning that my unstoppable plan is for me to become ‘Lord Mayor of London’ so if any of you think differently. The government levelling up programme is just words! I rule the sewers and rubbish tips and all my rats are just waiting for me to give the order to invade London and scare everyone. Then they will look for their saviour and guess who that is… ME. Some of you were a bit slow on that, but looking round I can understand why

Corona Corona Rat enters AL

Corona Rat – What are you doing?

 Covid – Just talking to my friends dear

Corona – You don’t have friends, I’ve seen your Facebook page. Now stop talking to this horrible lot and put my plan into action. I WANT TO BE IN THE MANSION HOUSE BEFORE THE END OF THIS PANTOMIME

Covid – Yes dear, right away, on it like sonic

Corona – To audience Looks like the holding pen for the Jeremy Kyle show. You have not heard the last of me you snivelling, grotty smelly mob

Corona Rat exits AL

Covid – See what you’ve done, got me into trouble with my beautiful wife. Her plan, she meant my plan. Now to summon up my rats and take over London.

Lighting on AR turns orange (L/F)

Bell music on Fairy entrance (S/F) Fairy Ding-a-ling enters AR sniffing

Fairy Ding-a-ling – What a smell

LOL

Covid – Shut the front door

 I never met you before

Fairy – I know you haven’t and to audience nor have you

So, without further ado
I am Fairy Ding-a-ling
I’ll tell you more as I sing

Covid  – No, not again this is not fine

It’s been done before in Pantomime

Fairy – So I’ll tell you then, so listen fast

Your reign of terror will not last
I am Ding-a-ling from the bells of bow
And they are very powerful you know

Covid – Don’t frighten me the bells can’t harm

Especially with my good looks and charm

Fairy – Good looks? Oh, please just stop

They wouldn’t improve with photo shop
And as for charm you are a phony
Lonely hearts are not that lonely

Covid – If that’s all you’ve got to say

Goodbye fairy, be on your way
My plan is cunning to be fare
By the end of this Panto, I’ll be Lord Mayor

Fairy – You, Lord Mayor, that’s out of Wack

Please bring Boris Johnstone back
You will fail, with options fewer
As your rats reject you from the sewer

Covid – Reject me, NO, I am their king

And this is not opportunity to sing
Your meddling will cause no stress
I will be Mayor and my wife Mayoress

Fairy – Do not underestimate my power

As the bells ring on the hour
Your cunning plan will not succeed
As a champion is what I need

Covid – No human mortal could beat me

My evil will get stronger you’ll see
I must move on and that is that

Fairy – If not a human, perhaps a cat

So on with your plans, off you go
Quicker than that, you are quite slow

Covid Rat exits AL

Now the hard work starts, let me explain
This script is week and a real pain
The money you’ve paid is such crime
But, on with this  third-rate Pantomime!

Fairy exits AR

Another Scene

Billy enters USL

Billy – Hello everyone my name is Billy, and you are?

Every time I come on stage I will shout out ‘hello kids’ and you can shout back ‘hello Billy’ will you do that for me… Great now let’s give it a try. Hello kids….. etc.

Nautical music (S/F)

Captain Cod and Sid Squid enter USR

Cod – Hello young man! I am the Captain of the SS Tories, and this is my 1st mate Sid Squid

Billy – SS Tories, I’d change that if I were you

Cod – Do you know it is bad luck to re-name a ship?

Billy – Bad luck, Tories! If its anything like the Tories, it will be sinking before it gets out of the harbour

Cod – No, but luck has nothing to do with it. When you have all the experience that we have

Sid – Yeh, we used to be in charge of the rowing boats at the (local) lake. To the audience We had an incident yesterday, I shouted out ‘come in number 61 your time is up’. Captain said ‘Sid, we don’t have a number 61!’ I shouted ‘number 19 are you in trouble’

Billy – You seem a clever lad, so you look as if you work together as a team?

Sid – Well yes, he does all the looking and I do all the work

Billy – How long?

Sid – 5 foot 2 inches

Cod – Don’t listen to him, he is a gross ignoramus

Billy – What do you mean?

Cod – 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus. Now I need someone to help me, someone who is responsible

Sid – That’s me, because every time something goes wrong, you say I’m responsible

Cod – See what I mean, he is so thick, if you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you’d get change. Cod puts his arm around Billy’s shoulder so would you be interested in making some money?

Billy – Get orf

Cod – No I mean becoming a deck hand

Billy – A croupier, shuffling cards. No thanks, I am off before these two get me doing something I don’t want to do. See you later kids

Billy exits USR

Cod – Why did you tell him we worked at the boating lake? Are you trying to make me look stupid?

Sid – No you can do that by yourself

Alderman Sam enters SR

Sam –  Captain I’ve been looking for you. Are we ready for our voyage tomorrow?

Cod – Oh yes sir, we are. We’ve had the SS Tories refitted. New Anchor, new toilets, new galley, and new gangplank

Sam – What about new sails and rigging?

Cod – We could not afford that, we tried to get a grant from the Welsh Assembly, they’ve run out of money, something about a lot of road signs they’ve bought! But we did get a new wheelie bin

Sam – Will the lack of new sails slow us down?

Cod – Yes it will, not sure what we can do.

Nelly Crumb enters USL carrying her laundry. She does not acknowledge the others and pulls out a huge pair of knickers. All three look at the knickers and then each other

Sid – I think we solved the sale problem

Another Scene

Dick enters USL carrying his stick and bundle

Dick – I’ve walked all the way from Cardiff and now here I am in the streets of London and if I had known it was going to be this far, I should have got people to sponsor me! Justgiving.com. These streets don’t look paved in gold, what am I to do. I am so hungry I could go down to Kentucky fried chicken and lick someone else’s fingers. I know I’ll get a job

Londoner enter SR

Dick –  Do you know where I can get a job?

Lndnr 1 – You be lucky there are no jobs going round here

Londoner exits SL another enters SR

Dick – Do you know of anyone who is looking for a hard-working, honest, and reliable person to employ?

Lndnr 2 – No one is hiring, the rats are scaring everyone away

Londoner exits SL

Dick – Rats, I hate rats, if only I could think of a way to get rid of them

Dick sits down and thinks

Fairy – This young man looks good enough to me

With his friend they can set us free
Of all the horrible smelly rats
I think it’s time to meet our cat

TC the magic cat sticks her head around USR flat

Song 2 – Top Cat

Top Cat theme music (S/F) TC does a dance

Dick does not see the cat; once the dance is finished, he walks to the front of the stage whilst TC walks behind him, audience re-action

 Dick – What?

Audience – Behind you

Dick moves round in a circle does not see TC

Audience –   Behind you

Dick – Who are you?

TC whispers in Dick’s ear

Dick – Queasy?

TC shakes his head

Dick – Can’t be sleazy? Can it? No. is it Weasy?

TC shakes his head

Dick – Ok tell me again

TC whispers in his ear

Dick – Pleasey

TC – Shouts TC

Dick – TC, I know what that stands for ‘Top Cat’

TC shakes his head and a starts to tap dance

Dick – Tap Cat

TC nods his head in agreement

Dick – Well TC I hope we can be friends; do you know where I can get some work?

TC points to Sam and Ella’s as Libby enters SR

Libby – Hello what a picture of beauty, you are so handsome, what is your name?

Dick – Why thank you, Dick Whittington slaps his thigh it is nice to meet someone who has great taste

Libby – Sorry did you say something; I was talking to the cat

Dick – Oh! Looking a bit cress fallen this is TC and you are?

Libby – Libby Aritan. My father is Sam Aritan and he owns Sam and Ella’s coffee shop

Dick – Are there any jobs going, I am desperate, and I haven’t eaten for days

TC gives a loud meow and rubs his tummy

Dick – TC hasn’t eaten either and you would want us to starve, would you?

Libby – Of course not. I will ask my Father. Father

Alderman Sam enters SR

Another Scene

Act 1
Scene 2

A street in London

Green subdued lighting (L/F)

Covid Rat enters AL

Covid – You lot still here? Oh, I am so excited my rats are running havoc all over London and my plan to get everyone to leave is working. They are all sailing to Morocco where they think they will be safe!! Ha ha little do they know they are just sailing further into trouble

Corona Rat enters AL

Corona – There you are I’ve been looking for you

Covid – Grovelling sorry dear, just talking to my friends

Corona – How many times, you idiot, they are not your friends, looking at them I doubt if they have any of their own friends. In fact, all I see out there is a bunch of sad losers, if you don’t believe me, why are you at this show? You could be doing something more interesting, like washing your hair. Now come on I am ready for my bath, and I want you to come and shave my back, I know how you enjoy that

Covid – Enjoy that!!!

Corona – Don’t stand there, pretending to this lot that you are interesting. You are a puerile little mouse

Corona Rat exits AL

Covid – Shave her back. I would prefer to listen to Cold Play. Now I have to carry on with my plan

Bell music on Fairy entrance (S/F) Lighting on AR turns orange (L/F)

Fairy enters AR

Fairy – Hello my lovelies, going well

Sniffs the air Oh I recognise that smell

Gets up your nose and makes you sneeze
Couldn’t eliminate that with Fabreze

Covid – Oh look at you, you think you’re immortal

All you do is make me chortle
You think you’re clever enough to stop this rat
With a lad called Dick and his stupid cat

Fairy walks towards Covid Rat

Fairy – Listen stinky and listen well

This audience can’t stand your smell
If that is true, they don’t want you near
Come on my lovelies give me a cheer

Audience reaction – cheering

Covid – You horrible lot don’t give me strife

I am not scared, you’ve met my wife
The fight is on, and I smell death

Fairy – I think you’ll find that is your breath

Covid – Don’t dis me that so unfair

You’ll show respect when I’m Lord Mayor
How you will suffer under my rule
So do not take me FOR A FOOL

Fairy – Now, listen brush face, stop your stalling

I think I hear you wife is calling
Now run along, or you’ll face the sack
Its time go and shave her back

Covid – I will be back and all of you are going to suffer Ha ha ha

Covid Rat exits AL Green lighting changes to orange (L/F)

Fairy – We hope his plan will not un-hatch

He’s like an itch you can-not scratch
I must make sure I seal his fate
Must go now or I’ll  be late

Fairy exits AR

Prologue

Enquire Now

Jack and the Beanstalk - Post Covid Edition - Sample Script

The Cloud above the Land of Smileyville

Loud thunder crack (S/F 1) and green lighting SL (L/F) Corona enters FAL     

Corona – Ha! Ha! Ha! Let me introduce myself. I am Corona, the legend of nightmares. So, this is Smileyville looks at audience and you lot must be its citizens! Well, there is no chance of its survival, not even the conservative levelling up programme could help you lot!

Giant – Fe Fi Fo Fum

Off stage: I smell the blood of a stupid Welshmen

Mic: Be they alive or be they dead
I’ll grind their bones to make my bread

Corona – Ha, ha ha! That is the voice of my master, Giant Hugh, last name Mungus pauses I’ll leave you to work it out! Shakes head This is going to be a long show. To the audience Look you lot, this is not rocket lettuce, it’s a Panto! Nothing too difficult and if any of you know the writer this is not going to be Line of Duty. I could be H for all you know! Shrugs shoulders Look its simple, like a lot of you, I come on and create a bit of mayhem. You do what you want with it! Now I need to get some gullible idiots for the Giants supper, and I don’t have to look far    

Fairy bells (S/F 2) and orange lighting SR (L/F) Fairy enters FAR

Fairy Daff – Hello my lovelies, what’s all this fuss?

It’s almost enough to make one cuss
My name is Fairy Daffodil
But call me Daff, as you will

Corona – Daff, more like Duff

Fairy Daff – Oi you, you’re naughty and wrong

Allow me to tell you in song

Corona – No its ok, I heard you sing last Panto. What’s all this rhyming couplets rubbish?

Fairy Daff – The writer does insist on it

If you ask me, I think its… rubbish
That’s to prove at this time
See, it doesn’t always rhyme

Corona – Couplets! Easy, Let me have ago

These rhymes are easy to make
Looks like you fallen off a cake

Fairy Daff – RUDE!

Oh, look at you, you are a mess
Dressed like that, you won’t impress
Your evil ways will not last long
Allow me to tell you, in a song

Corona – NO! This lot are going to suffer enough with this script. It does not need your singing on top of it. Anyway, I don’t need you interfering with my mission in getting supper for my master. So, just go away

Fairy Daff – No, it’s you that should go away

And never come back forever and a da
yOr, a fight you’ll have, and you won’t be a winner
And these lovely people, will never be dinner

Corona – A fight, sounds good, so bring it on

And you’ll never win that even in song

To the audience See, this rhyming rubbish is so easy

Must be going people to frighten Ha! Ha! Ha! I’m off

Corona exits FAL – green lighting stops (L/F)

Fairy Daff – Off, thought I could smell something, right though

A song is not even near enough

To the audience My friends you will help when things get tough

Won’t you ………
And now I think I’m out of rhyme
So, on with this third-rate Pantomime

Fairy exits FAR as curtain opens

Another Scene

Corona enters SL – green lighting SL (L/F)

Corona – Look at this! What hope do they have if this is the level of intelligence? I am Corona, and I am here to do my duty of supplying humans for the Giant to eat. He wants all shapes and sizes for snacks and for meals, I might even come down there and handpick them myself. Obviously, there are few too big for me to pick up, but the giant will get you himself

Covid creep enters SR

Covid – Oh hello, and whom might you be?

Corona – My name is Corona, and I am the protector of the Giant and who are you?

Covid – I’m Covid Creep and I’m the major landowner in these parts

Corona – How interesting, I do believe we could have a mutual interest if we joined forces

Covid – In what way?

Corona – Well I’m here to get humans for the giant’s dinner and I need you to assist in supplying me, then there will be no one left, and you can take their property and rent it out

Covid – Ding dong, I do like a bit of skulduggery. Ha ha ha. So, would you like me to do exactly?

Corona – First I would like you to get me the names and where abouts of all the insignificant wasters in this village so I can take them to the giant

Covid – Well that won’t take me long as I have my little black book shows his book

Corona – Give it to me now

Covid – Not so quick. I will give you the list all in good time. Before that I need your assistance in something. You see, I love money and property want as much as I can, and I have my eye on the palace

Corona – You’ll have to be smart to out-wit with the King. I just heard him conning his two idiots out of their wages

Covid – You see the King loves his daughter and I believe that if I can get her to marry me, I can then take over the palace and supply you with as many poor people as you want

Corona – What if she doesn’t want to marry you?

Covid – Easy, she will then become a little snack for the giant

Corona – I can see we are both going to get what we want. Just to help you in scaring people, tell them you have received a message from the giant that they must all please and worship the giant or they will all be destroyed. See you later to the audience you snivelling lot will rue the day we met. Ha ha ha

Corona exits SL as 6 villagers enter SR  green lighting stops (L/F)

Villager 1 – Oh no, that’s bad timing there is Covid Creep

Villager 2 – Quick lets go before he sees us

Covid – Hello you lot, you saved me the time looking for you. Just in case you don’t take me seriously I now have the giant support and I warn you, if you do not start pleasing me and the Giant, you will all suffer. Do you understand?

All – Yes

Covid – Good, In the words of Arnold Schwarzenegger, “I’ll be back”

Covid exits SL

Another Scene

Billy enters USL

Billy – Hiya kids. Hiya Mum, what you doing?

Dame – Second thoughts, not that difficult. What does it look like, I’m riding a bike!

Billy – Oh yes, from this angle I can still see the saddle bags

Dame – Oh you are so rude. I am talking to these lovely people. Now, Isn’t it time we milked Daisy?

Billy – Yes, it is, I haven’t seen her. Perhaps we should give her a call

Dame – The boys and girls will help us, won’t you? (Wait for audience) after 3 – 1, 2, 3 – DAISY

Billy – You’ll have to shout louder than that 1, 2, 3 – Daisy

Daisy enters USR and parades around the stage – light music (S/F 6)

Dame – There you are Daisy and aren’t you looking well (Daisy nods her head). Now say hello to the boys and girls and show them how clever you are

Daisy does some acrobatic movements, completely non cow like

Billy – Well who’s a clever girl. Now come over here and we can milk you. And then go down the market and sell the milk to earn some money

Dame – Billy where are the milking things? Right, you go and get the bucket and I will go and get the stool

Dame exits FFR, Billy exits FFL to get bucket and stool, Daisy goes USR

Billy enters FFL

Billy – Where are you, Daisy?

Sees Daisy USR as Dame enters FFR

There you are you silly cow

Dame – Rude – how dare you say that about your dear old mother

Billy – I didn’t mean you mum, I meant Daisy

Daisy dances about

Dame – Come on Daisy behave yourself, you are acting like 2 people in a cows costume

Billy sits on the stool, Daisy moves to be milked, shakes her udders

Billy – Oh look she is going to make a milkshake

Daisy lowers a milk bottle out of her udders

Billy – Full fat

Dame – Rude

Billy – Not you mum, the milk

Dame – That’s no good, we want semi-skilled

Daisy takes bottle off Billy and changes to semi skimmed a hand is clearly seen

Billy – There’s something with Daisy I am not sure about

Lighting dims (L/F)

Giant – Fe Fi Fo Fum

Off stage: I smell the blood of a stupid Welshmen

Mic: Be they alive or be they dead
I’ll grind their bones to make my bread

Billy, Dame, and Daisy run off FFR

Corona enters AL – green lighting SL (L/F)

Corona – So Jack is going to send a virus to the giant! What a load of nonsense. These people are so stupid to the audience almost as stupid as you lot! Now I have work to do

Covid enters AL

Another Scene

Jack enters SR carrying and iPad

Jack – Who don’t you like or trust?#

Princess – Covid Creep!

Jack – I feel the same. He’s always chasing my mum for the rent

Princess – He wants me to marry him so he can solve my parents money problems

Jack – Inquisitively You wouldn’t marry him, would you?

Princess – NO! if you think I would have, you don’t know me at all

Jack – Sorry. I just wanted to make sure cause…

Princess – Let’s change the subject. What have you got there?

Jack – This is my iPad

Princess – My Gran’s bought an iPad for my father for his birthday

Jack – Didn’t think the King would be into an iPad. How’s he getting on with it?

Princess – OK, but he says it is no good for his eyesight

Jack – Strange my eyes are not affected by mine. Oh Princess, I wish I had loads of money and perhaps you would marry me

Princess – Oh Jack, you are such a dreamer. Could you really imagine my father allowing us to marry?

Jack – No, I suppose not, but, if he was here now, I’d, I’d…

Princess – You’d what? Ask him?

Jack – Jack nods his head Yes

Princess – Oh Jack if only it could be possible. Royalty cant marry commoners especially commoners with no money. Not unless they are American

Jack – One day Libby I will be rich, and your father will beg me to marry you

Princess – We can only but dream

Prologue

Enquire Now

Jack and the Beanstalk -
Sample Script

The Cloud above the Land of Smileyville 

Loud thunder crack(S/F) and green lighting SL (L/F)

Fleshcreep enters AL     

Fleshcreep – Ha! Ha! Ha!

Dragons and lizards are my friends

And I will use evil to achieve my ends
I will be quiet, and sometimes loud
To get these idiots, to climb into the cloud.

Giant – Fe Fi Fo Fum

Off stage: I smell the blood of a stupid Welshmen

Mic: Be he alive or be he dead
I’ll grind his bones to make my bread.

Fleshcreep – Let misery destroy this place

For all must obey and never save face
I’ll make it cold and never thaw
And ruled by Giant Thunderbore.
Ha! Ha! Ha!   

You Cardiff fools, you will not spurn
And in the voice of Mr Burns
No one is brave enough to stop
The rule of the Giant, no-one will top!
Ha! Ha! Ha!

Fairy bells (S/F) and orange lighting SR (L/F)

Fairy enters AR

Fairy Daff – Hello my lovelies, what’s all this fuss?

It’s almost enough to make one cuss
My name is Fairy Daffodil
But call me Daff, as you will.

Oi you, you’re naughty and wrong
Allow me to tell you all in a song.

On stage, Princess and Gran

After the song some of the villagers leave

Town Crier – Oh yea! Oh yea!, Ladies, Gentlemen, boys, girls and those who are not sure. I have an important anoon, anooon, anunnn… thing to say. “If anyone is brave enough to kill Giant Thunderbore and rid this land of all oppression, coldness, darkness… Oh I’ve only just realised how bleak this is. I normally just read this out, not taking in what I am actually reading. (starts to sob)

Villager 1 – Now I know why they call him the town crier!

Villagers – GET ON WITH IT

Town Crier – Sorry. Their reward will be Princess Libby’s hand in marriage

Villager 2 – Just her hand?

Princess – Oh Gran, he announces that every day, but there is no-one brave enough to take on the Giant.

Gran – Or stupid enough!

Princess – What do you mean by that?

Gran – Oh sorry. That didn’t come out right. I meant stupid enough to take on the Giant.

Princess – I know what you meant Gran. Oh, I dream about a day when all our worries are over and I marry a handsome, loving, funny, generous, caring, polite, sensible man, who is understanding of women’s needs – and is tidy around the house.

Gran – Are you on medication? A man like that doesn’t exist!

Nuts and Crackers enter USR with trumpets – Royal Fanfare (S/F)

Princess – Here comes Father and Mother

N & C – Stand to attention and welcome the Royal Party – King Charles the Spaniel and Queen Camilla.

King and Queen enter USR

King – Thank you. Thank you all. How respectful (Villagers and Gran pull faces behind their backs). Well it is a lovely day for it

Queen – For it? For what?

King – For it. For someone to be brave

Gran – Or stupid

King – BRAVE enough to get rid of Giant Thunderbore once and for all. Anyone?

Some Villagers exit SL & SR

This is getting me down. No-one comes to our village. So we get no tourism, we have no money, and the only way things could get worse, is if we had to host a NATO summit!

Queen – Things aren’t that bad, at least we’re not shopping in LIDL!

Gran – I do. Their hair products are so cheap. I am amazed no-one else uses them!

Everyone stares in disbelief at Grans hair

King – There is only one thing for it, we will have to get Princess Libby married off to a very rich man

Princess – But Father, I don’t want to marry a man for money. I want to marry a man for love

Queen – Well, sometimes you have to compromise. I did!

Gran – Yes, you compromised so much, you didn’t get money or love!

Queen – Oh come on Libby we have better things to do than to listen to her acid tongue. Why don’t you do something to occupy your time, like getting a job

Scene continues

Gran – Me, get a job! I’m too old to get a job even at B & Q. (To audience) I do have a part time job, but I don’t want these to know

Princess – Oh Mum, she’s not dissin you, just pulling your leg

Queen – She went on my Facebook and updated my status to – desperate!!!!

Queen, Princess and Gran leave USR

Nuts – King, we need to talk to you about our wages

King – Wages? What wages?

Crackers – Yes, exactly, what wages? We have not been paid for over 12 months!

King – But you haven’t worked for the last 12 months.

N & C – How do you work that out?

Goes to the blackboard – stage prop

King – It’s easy. There are 365 days in a year. Correct?

Nuts – Except a leap year is 366. See, I’m not completely thick

King – No, not completely. Now assuming you work 8 hours a day… and there are 24 hours in a day … so you only work a third of the day. Yes?

N & C – Well, yes…

King – So that 3 into 366 leaves 122 days. Now you don’t work Saturdays and Sundays do you?

N & C – Well, no…

King – There are 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays, so that is another 104 days you don’t work. 104 from 122 leave 18, doesn’t it?

N & C – Well, yes, but…

King – And you get 2 weeks holiday, so 14 from 18 leaves 4 days doesn’t it?

N & C – Yes, but….

King – Oh and I almost forgot, there are 4 Bank Holidays, so 4 from 4 equals nothing

Nuts – Hang on, this year is not a Leap year

King – You are right! So, you owe me a day’s pay!

Another Scene

Jack enters USR

Jack – Hiya everyone, what a great day for it

Villager 1 – For what?

Jack – For it. For someone to be brave

Gran enters FFL walks past in the background exits FFR

Gran – Or stupid

Jack – Brave and clever enough to beat the Giant

Villager 2 – Jack this is the first time I can remember seeing you without a book in your hands

Jack – Books are old school. I use a kindle now

Villager 3 – A what?

Jack – A kindle, it’s a book with no pages to turn, and it’s in a tablet

Villager 2 – Oh Jack, you’ve really gone this time. A book with no pages, a tablet. The only tablet you need is one to take

Jack – Hey come on, this time I really am on to something

Villager 4 – What is it this time? Is it fruit based? You told us all you could communicate with an Apple and a Blackberry as long as you used an Orange!!!!!

Jack – Ok that was a bit ambitious, but all I have to do is to get to the Giant and give him a virus to stop him using the web

Villager 5 – The web? He’s not a spider, he’s a Giant. Come on everyone let’s leave him to his dreams

Song 2 – Jack

Jack – Oh well, back from the world of dreams. I must go and tell Mum about my ideas

Another Scene

Billy enters USL

Billy – Hello Kids. Hiya Mum, what you doing?

Dame – What does it look like, I’m riding a bike

Billy – Oh yes, from this angle I can still see the saddle bags

Dame – Oh you are Silly. I am talking to these lovely people. Isn’t it time we milked Daisy?

Billy – Yes it is, I haven’t seen her. Perhaps we should give her a call

Dame – The boys and girls will help us won’t you? (Wait for audience) after 3 – 1, 2, 3 – DAISY

Billy – You’ll have to shout louder than that 1, 2, 3 – Daisy

Daisy enters USR and parades around the stage – light music (S/F)

Dame – There you are Daisy and aren’t you looking well (Daisy nods her head). Now say hello to the boys and girls and show them how clever you are. (Daisy does some acrobatic movements, completely non cow like)

Billy – Well who’s a clever girl. Now come over here and we can milk you. And then go down the market and sell the milk to earn some money

Dame – Billy where are the milking things? Right, you go and get the bucket and I will go and get the stool

Dame exits FFR, Billy exits FFL to get bucket and stool, Daisy goes USR

Billy enters FFL

Billy – Where are you Daisy? (Sees Daisy USR as Dame enters FFR) There you are, you silly cow

Dame – Rude – how dare you say that about your dear old mother

Billy – I didn’t mean you mum, I meant Daisy

Daisy dances about

Dame – Come on Daisy behave yourself, you are acting like 2 men in a cows costume

Billy sits on the stool, Daisy moves to be milked, shakes her udders

Billy – Oh look she is going to make a milkshake

Daisy lowers a milk bottle out of her udders

Billy – Full fat

Dame – Rude

Billy – Not you mum, the milk

Dame – That’s no good, we want semi-skilled

Daisy picks the bottle off Billy and changes to semi skimmed

A hand is clearly seen

Billy – There’s something with Daisy I am not sure about

Prologue

Enquire Now

Mother Goose - Sample Script

A cloud above the land of Smileyville

S/FX – Fairy music L/FX – Orange lighting Fairy Queen carrying a book enters with 4 fairies FAR

Fairy Q – The time has come for me to say

Welcome to my show
Another year has passed again
This year did start off slow
That nasty virus kept us in
For some to pass the time
They sat at their computer
And wrote this Pantomime!
Apologies for this script
It really is frustration
If you want my opinion
He should have stayed in isolation!
Now is the time of year
We recognise success
People who made a mark
Who helped us thru this mess!  

Fairy Edy enters FAR            

Fairy Edy, welcome
You are just in time, I say
To help me hand out the awards
So be on your merry way

Fairy Q hands Edy a handful of certificates

Edy – I love my job for all its worth

We recognise the good on earth
Nurses, Doctors, Ambulance crew
Care workers in all they do
But generally, I don’t think twice
As every person is always nice

S/FX – Thunder L/FX – Green lighting

Corona the witch enters FAL

Corona – Always nice! What a load of rubbish

Fairy Q ushers the 4 fairies off FAR

Fairy Q – Oh no it’s the witch Corona. I thought you had retired

Corona – Me, retired! I took some time out after that little virus I shared

Fairy Q – You are so evil

Corona – We are all evil, it’s just that with some people they just don’t know it yet

Edy – You are wrong, every person I’ve ever met has always been kind, considerate and helpful

Corona – You are missing out on so much fun. If you really believe that all people are nice. Allow me the opportunity to disprove you both

Edy – Never! We would not allow you to try and make people bad

Corona – I don’t think you heard me; I didn’t say make them bad. I said they are already evil; they just don’t know it yet. So, if you are so confident, what have you got to lose?

Fairy Q – Corona you will never defeat me. Good will always triumph over everything as long as people believe

Corona – People don’t believe and I will prove it. So, what are you willing to wager as you are so confident?

Fairy Q – A packet of 24 toilet rolls?

Corona – Quite a few months ago that would be tempting. No, I want what you have. I want your home and all your fairies to serve me. Especially you Fairy Edy

Edy – That will never happen. I will never serve you! But if you lose, you will serve us

Corona – We’ll see. Now I must be off

Edy – I thought I could smell something

Corona – I am going to earth to prove that people don’t believe

Fairy Q – to the audience You believe, don’t you? Audience reacts

Corona – We’ll see. By the end of this Panto, you will all be cheering for me

Corona exits FAL

Another Scene

Covid – I would, now why are you all standing round? You should be busying yourselves getting my money

All 4 villagers exit SL

Dim enters SR

There you are, where is the other one

Dim – Other one, what!

Covid – The other one, your idiotic partner

Dim – He’s not here

Covid – You don’t say!!

Dim – I did!

Covid – Did what?

Dim – Did say, say he’s not here!

Covid – I know you did, I heard you

Dim – But you said, ‘you didn’t say’!

Covid – I was being funny!

Dim – You, funny! about as funny as toothache

Covid – So I’ve been told. Now where is the other half of the dynamic duo

Dim – He’s been out in the fields helping McDonald with his farm

Covid – Now there’s a cue for a song

Wit enters SR singing

Wit – E I E I O

Covid – Where have you been?

Wit – Not here

Dim – See, I was right. I told you he wasn’t here!

Covid – To the audience Do villages have two idiots?

Dim – Yes, they do, and I know that ‘cause every village we’ve been in, people have asked the same question

Covid – Shaking his head in disbelief Now there’s a surprise! Dim, be quiet for a moment. Wit, what have you been doing?

Wit – I’ve been looking after a flock of cows

Covid – Sternly Herd of cows!

Wit – Heard of cows, of course I have. I’ve been looking after a flock of them!!

Covid – How do you keep control of them

Wit – Easy I just push them in the direction I want them to go

Covid – With your bare hands?

Wit – Bare hands! I haven’t got bear hands! I’ve got human hands!

Covid – Look you idiots, I’ve got a job for the two of you. As my official bailiffs I want you to go round Smileyville and collect all the rent and pay day loans for those who don’t pay throw them out and take all their possessions as payment, got it?

Dim – Got what?

Wit – An illness!

Dim – What are your symptoms?

Wit – When I touch my arm like this it hurts touches his arm with his finger ouch!

Dim – No, anything else?

Wit – When I touch my leg like this it hurts touches his leg with the same finger ouch!

Dim – That is awful! Anything else?

Wit – When I touch my head like this it hurts touches his head with the same finger ouch!

Dim – I wonder what it could be!

Covid – He’s broken his finger! You two are completely stupid. Now I need someone who is responsible

Another Scene

Covid enters SL

Covid – Did I hear my name? Just can’t believe how popular I am!

Dame – Oh look its Piers Morgan

Covid – Hello Dame Betsy. Have you got something for me?

Dame – Clenches her fist and pulls her arm back Nope

Covid – You owe me rent and money from my pay day loan company

Dame – Do I? Are you sure?

Covid – Yes of course I am Pulls a small book out his pocket there you owe me twenty-six weeks rent and money you borrowed for your wide screen TV

Dame – Do I?

Covid – Sarcastically No of course you don’t. I owe you money

Dame – You do!

Covid – No, I was being funny! Is this so-called joke in every scene? Stage crew walks on with a script and thumbs through it whilst pointing and nodding then walks off Great. This really is lazy script writing, the writer should be ashamed

Dame – Oh Ok, so what you are saying is Dame Betsy Goose is twenty-six weeks overdue with her rent and I am behind on my 85’’ Plasma TV . Are you sure?

Covid – Yes, I am and if I don’t get my money, you will be thrown out on your ear, and I will take the TV away

Dame – Pardon

Covid – Are you deaf?

Dame – No, I was just practising for being thrown out on my ear. Well actually a few months ago my doctor told me I was going deaf, haven’t heard from him since! Anyway, how much do I owe you?

Covid – Fifty pounds including rates

Dame – Rates! We’ve only got mice. You are not having the TV as I need to see the next episode of Love Island

Covid – Love Island! What rubbish

Dame – Excuse me, I won it last year. Would you like to see me in my Bikini?

All cast and crew run on stage and shout NO

Covid – Right I’ve had enough. DIM, WIT, COME HERE

Dim and Wit enter SL and stand either side of the Dame

Well then do I send them in to evict you?

Billy enters SR

Billy – Hiya kids. What is going on? Mum, are you alright?

Dame – No I’m not he’s going to depict me, and I will have no roof to my mouth She starts sobbing

Libby and Harry enter SR

Libby – What is going on

Billy – Covid has threatened to throw Mum out of our shop and home

Libby – Oh no, was she alarmed?

Billy – Alarmed! Who want to steal her?

Libby – I meant distressed

Billy – No she’s fully clothed

Libby – You are so stupid. Mum, are you ok? Covid you are a horrible despicable man

Covid – Compliments will get you nowhere. To Libby So, have you thought about my offer? Could save you a lot of heartache

Harry – What offer?

Covid – Nothing my lovely nephew. Now just to show that I am a nice person Dame Betsy, I’ll make you an offer. If you pay me now, I am prepared to forget about half of the money

Dame – Ok, if you are prepared to forget about half I am prepared to forget about the other half. So, it was nice doing business with you. Goodbye

Covid – That’s it, I’ve had enough. Dim, Wit, in you go

Harry – STOP! Uncle, I can’t let you do this. Leave it to me, I can sort this out Slaps thigh. Dame Betsy, how much do you owe?

Dame – Not much, only one hundred pounds

Covid – One hundred, you charlatan

Dame – Charlotte who?

Covid – Charlatan, you fake

Dame – Arms folded lifting her chest They are not fake!

Covid – You are so frustrating, just like this script! You owe me fifty pounds

Dame – I know, was just thinking of the future. Harry gives the Dame £50

Covid – If I had my way you wouldn’t have a future. Come on you two

Prologue

Enquire Now

Cinderella - Sample Script

All villagers exits stage right as they do, Buttons enters upstage left

Buttons – Cinderella, Cinders. To the audience. You haven’t seen Cinderella have you? I’m looking for her as I have something important to tell her. Well, in the meantime, hello kids, my name is Buttons. Every time I come on stage I’ll shout out “HELLO KIDS” and you can shout out “HELLO BUTTONS”. Will you do that for me? etc.

Dandini enters upstage left

Dandini – Excuse me young man

Buttons turns to face Dandini

Sorry, should have gone to Specsavers. To whom am I speaking?

Buttons – You’re posh. Are you Jacob Rees Mogg?

Dandini – No, I am not. My name is Dandini

Buttons – Dindani, nice to meet you

Dandini –      No, my name is Dandini

Buttons – Sorry, Dan

Dandini – It’s not Dan its DANDINI!

Buttons – Sorry, Mr Dani

Dandini – Listen, its Dan

Buttons – Dan

Dandini – Good, now Dini

Buttons – Dini, got it Dindani

Dandini – DINI, DINI

Buttons – This is now turning into a Blondie tribute act

Dandini – DANDINI, you’ll get this one way or another

Buttons – Are you sure about this Blondie thing? Anyway what do you want?

Dandini – Well, I’ve come to Smileyville to inform everyone of an event that is happening this very evening

Buttons – Well, that’s a rinky dink ’cause I’m looking for Cinderella to tell her of an event that’s happening too. Her Father is returning from working away, he’s been helping preparing food for the homeless and people who are substance dependant

Dandini – Sounds like a first class chap. What charity was he working for?

Buttons – Charity! No he was a chef at Weatherspoon’s. What was the event you mentioned?

Dandini – Prince Charming is throwing a Ball at the palace tonight

Buttons – Throwing a ball at the palace? He’ll have to be careful he doesn’t smash a window!

Dandini – Smash a window! Are you the village idiot?

Buttons – I was till you got here

Dandini – No, he is having a party, stupid

Buttons – Why are you telling me?

Another Scene

Cinderella – What a beautiful day. It is so nice to be out for an hour. The sky is blue, the birds are singing and even though we have no money, it is lovely to be alive. I’ll tell you how poor we are, we have people in Africa sending us money! If I could have just one wish, it would be for daddy to come home.

Baron – Shouting from off stage left Cinderella, Cinderella. I’m home

Baron Bread-Line enters stage left

Cinders, there you are. I’ve missed you so much

Cinderella – Daddy, you are back. I’ve missed you too

Baron – Oh Cinders, I hope all is well and Buttons has been looking after you

Cinderella –  Yes daddy he has, but it’s not the same. He does get a bit over protective. Any boys who come near me, he makes sure they don’t get too close. More’s the pity

Baron – More’s the pity! Oh, I see. I have been away a long time and you have grown up so much, but luckily I think our troubles are over

Cinderella – Over! What do you mean?

Baron – I have a big surprise for you

Cinderella – Oh daddy, this is fantastic I couldn’t be any happier. You are home and our financial worries are over! What is the big surprise? I want to know now!

Baron – Ok, close your eyes and count to 10

Cinderella puts her hands in front of her eyes and starts counting out loud

Cinderella –  1,2,3,4……..

Baroness Tinnitus enters stage left, walking past the Baron and stops staring at Cinderella

Cinderella – 7,8,9,10

Cinderella opens her eyes, looks at the Baroness

Baroness – screams ARGH

Cinderella – screams ARGH

Baron walks between the two, Cinderella and Baroness look at the Baron and both scream

Both – ARGH

Baron – jumps back and screams ARGH

Baroness – What is this? Do you want the address of the homeless shelter?

Cinderella – Homeless shelter! Who is this daddy?

Baroness – Daddy! You never told me you had a sprog!

Baron – Sprog, This is my beautiful daughter, Cinderella

Baroness – Beautiful, you should’ve gone to Specsavers

Cinderella – Daddy, who is this? This can’t be my surprise, more like a nightmare

Baroness – Rude! You will rue the day you said that to me

Baron – Cinders, this is your new stepmother

Cinderella – Stepmother? But daddy, how could you?

Baron – She has money. This will keep the bailiffs away from our door. Cinders, please, her bark is worse than her bite

Cinderella – Not surprised I’ve seen her teeth

Baroness – I am telling you Egbert, things are going to change around here and fast. The first thing is ‘that’ pointing at Cinderella will have to sleep in the barn

Baron – She will certainly not, this is my beautiful Cinderella

Baroness – If you want to see any of my money, she certainly will. Beautiful, you say. Just wait till you meet my daughters, Rubella and Malaria, then you will know what beauty is

Baron and Cinderella look at each other and then into the audience

Both – Daughters!

Baroness – Well I’m off

Cinderella – to the audience Thought I could smell something

Baroness – I’m going to look round the rest of this dump. As Kirsty and Phil would say, ‘It’s a bit of a doer upper’

Baroness exits upstage left

Baron – I’m so sorry Cinders, she is nothing like her on-line profile

Baron and Cinderella exit upstage left

Rubella and Malaria enter upstage right

Rubella – We are here. Malaria, let’s have a good look round to see what we have let ourselves in for

Both stop and look into the audience

Malaria – Oh Rubella, it looks like the holding pen for the Jeremy Kyle show

Rubella – Looks like we will have no competition when we have beauty like what we have got

Malaria – Yes beauty, compared with me you do come a distant second

Rubella – Very funny! Now that we’ve moved here, you will be known as the M4 turn off

Malaria – How much money did you raise?

Rubella – When?

Malaria – For Movember

Rubella – Cheek! Everyone says I get my looks from our handsome father

Malaria – Yes, just finish growing your beard and you will be the spit of him

Rubella – Look here fatty, you’re so big you’ve got a reversing bleeper

Malaria – Cheek! You’re so big when you walk into a room, people wonder who ordered the bouncy castle

Rubella – Oi, you keep forgetting the time we met Kate Moss and she said looking at me was like looking in a mirror

Malaria – Yes, at a funfair. You are the only person I know who gets their clothes from Blacks. I can see where they’ve taken the guide ropes out!

Rubella – At least I’m not as ugly as you! You are so ugly if you went for a walk in the woods, you’d find truffles!

Malaria – Me! If you went to enter an ugly contest. They’d say sorry no professionals!

Rubella – Charming, I can remember when you were born, you were so ugly the midwife smacked our mother

A Scene

Enquire Now

Puss in Boots - Sample Script

A cloud above the land of Smileyville

S/FX – Fairy music L/FX – Orange lighting Fairy Godmother enters FAR

Fairy – Welcome to my little show

The funs about to start
Turn off your phones and share your sweets
And open up your heart
All stories have a tale to tell
Some are even witty
Unfortunately, this has neither
This script is such a pity
The writing is very poor
The story line is slack
So please form a queueIf you want your money back

Pauses and looks round the audience, then speaks

You’ve been warned!
 I love to be a fairy
I am pleasant, that is fine
The thing I dislike most
Is rhyming all the time
Even though I’m supposed to rhyme
 The script tells me to say
There is a lot to remember
So, I’ll tell my story my way

Hello lovely people allow me to introduce myself properly and not in a rhyming couplet! My name is Nuff, the Fairy. Fairy Nuff. See what I mean about this script! I am the Fairy Godmother of all the fairies in the universe and I make sure that all my fairies look after all the lovely people and help all the horrible people to become nice. Now, you will have to concentrate because this story takes some following. I will do a recap later for the people who get lost.

Once upon a time, as all good stories start there was a young boy who lived in China who found a magic lamp pauses and thinks apologies that was last year’s nonsense. Do any of you like animals? Waits for audience reaction Good, because this story is all about a cat called Puss, yes, Puss in boots. So, are you ready to go to the little village of Smileyville? Waits for audience reaction

The time is right, the mood is good
We do not want you moping
Let the story now unfold
And get this curtain open

shakes her head in disbelief, looks to the wings

Sorry, that’s about as good as it gets, good luck and it is too late on the refund!

Fairy Godmother exits FAR shaking her head curtain opens

Another Scene

Act 1
Scene 1 – Full stage

The Village Smileyville

Song 1

Full stage lighting to give impression of sunny day (L/FX) the villagers are having a good time singing and dancing

After the song all leave except for 4 villagers

Polly enters USR

Polly – Hello everyone

Villagers – Hello Polly

Villager 1 – Sad news about the Bit family

Polly – It is sad news about Jack, Slap and Stick’s dad passing away

Villager 1 – But it is good that they have agreed to split everything fairly

Polly – Fairly, I find it hard to believe that Slap and Stick would ever be fair. Legend has it that the mill where they lived had magic powers

Villager 2 – They are at the solicitors now signing all the documents

Harry enters USR carrying a paint pot and brush

Harry – Hello everyone

Villagers – Hello Harry

Harry – Sheepishly Hello Polly

Polly – Sheepishly Hello Harry, have you heard about the Bits?

Harry – Yes, it is sad, especially for Jack as he was so close to his father. The other two Slap and Stick, I wouldn’t trust as far as I could throw them. Anyway, I must get on, I must paint that fence moves to the FF left and starts painting

Villager 3 – Come on let’s leave these two love birds alone

Polly – Love birds, us, don’t be so silly

Villagers exit USL                   

It is sad, but I will miss him, he was always so nice

Harry – engrossed in painting Hm! What

Polly – Mr Bit

Harry – Alright, no need to be so bossy, I’ve only just started

Polly – Started! Started what?

Harry – Started painting!

Polly – I know I was here when you started

Harry – Ok, just don’t start

Polly – Why would I start? That painting is your job

Harry – I know it’s my job, that why I started it and I don’t need anyone criticising me

Polly – I wasn’t criticising you

Harry – Good, cause this difficult work and I need to concentrate engrossed in painting

Polly – Ok, I was just saying he will be missed

Harry – What?

Polly – Mr Bit

Harry – I’ve only just started! I’m going to finish this when no one is around to criticise

Harry picks up his paint pot and brush and storms off FFR

Polly – Just when I think he feels the same way about me he goes and ruins it. I get the feeling that all men are moody!

Polly exits USL as Slap and Stick enter SL

Slap – Well that went better than I thought

Stick – Yes it did, we got the mill and Jack got the cat. I can’t believe he would sign that deal

Slap – He didn’t know what he was signing! Because he trusts us, he didn’t realise we’ve diddled him out of his inheritance

Stick – Brilliant

Slap – Now we can start to look for the magic powers that are supposed to be in the mill

Stick – What will they look like?

Slap – Don’t know, never seen magic powers

Both start to think

Stick – I know that cats prefer wizards to witches

Slap – How did you work that out?

Stick – Because sometimes sorcerers have milk in them

Slap – You are so stupid

Stick – I am not!

Slap – Yes, you are, remember when dad asked you to help blow up balloons for my surprise birthday

Stick – Yes

Slap – Well, we are twins!!

Stick – It was a surprise for me too

Slap – You are useless, you can’t even keep a job.  You were fired from the job as a stage designer

Stick – I left without making a scene

Slap – You were offered the job in the mirror factory

Stick – Well, I couldn’t see myself doing that

Slap – If brains were dynamite you couldn’t blow your nose. Now let’s get back to the mill and find the magic powers. Now that we have diddled our brother Jack out of his share of the mill!

Slap and Stick exit SR

Another Scene

Lighting L/FX blue glow Rapscallion enters SL

Rapscallion – Hello young lady, my name is Rapscallion

Dame – Hello young pauses looks Rapscallion up and down youngish person, I’m Dame Birley Shassey

Rapscallion – What is a beautiful woman like you doing in a place like this?

Dame –         Waiting to be swept off my feet

Rapscallion – I need a Tsunami to do that

Dame – You tease, so what can I do for you?

Rapscallion – I was wondering if you could help me, I was hoping you could tell me something about the mill

Dame – The hill! What hill?

Rapscallion – Hill! I didn’t say hill I said Mill! You need a hearing test!

Dame – What would I do with a hairy chest! So, what hill do you want to know about?

Rapscallion – Mill, the mill, which is owned by those two twits, who just fiddled their brother Jack out of his share, that mill

Dame – To wits to who, I am sounding like an owl! What are you on about?

Rapscallion – Why is this so difficult! You know the two brothers who own the mill?

Dame – No there are three brothers who own the mill, Jack, Slap and Stick

Rapscallion – No, no. the mill is owned by two brothers

Dame – There must be another mill then

Rapscallion – Are there two mills in this area?

Dame – No, only one owned by the Bits family, the brothers, Jack, Slap and Stick

Rapscallion – Jack doesn’t have a share of the mill his brothers have diddled him out of his share

Dame – So, Jack owns the other mill then?

Rapscallion – There isn’t another mill, there is only the one mill

Dame – You seem to know a lot about this mill, tell me more

Rapscallion – Tell you more about what?

Dame – The two mills

Rapscallion – Two mills, no its one mill

Dame – That’s a lot of money for one mill

Rapscallion – What money?

Dame – One mill for a mill which is a run of the mill type mill, that mill

Rapscallion – Is the mill for sale?

Dame – You just said it was

Rapscallion – I did!

Dame – There, you’ve admitted it, are you going to buy it?

Rapscallion – I am not buying the brothers’ mill

Dame – You could buy Jack’s mill then

Rapscallion – Jack hasn’t got a mill

Dame – That was a quick sale

Rapscallion – Jack hasn’t sold the mill

Dame – So it’s back on the market

Rapscallion – Listen before one of us dies! Jack has been swindled out of his share of the mill by his brothers and all he has left is his cat

Dame – He can’t live in a cat, does Jack know?

Rapscallion – Yes, I told him earlier

Dame – I hope you were clearer when you told him than you were with me

Princess Libby enters USR

Libby – Hiya Dame Birley, who is this?

Dame – This is Slapstallion she is an estate agent specialising in mills. This is Princess Libby

Rapscallion – I’m not an estate, doesn’t matter to the audience this one would make a perfect gift for my master

Libby – Nice to meet you

Rapscallion – You also, anyway I must be off, a lot to do

Dame – Those mills won’t sell themselves

Rapscallion – completely defeated No they won’t

Rapscallion exits SL L/FX to beginning of scene

Another Scene

Prologue

King Dom and Queen Edy enter USR

Queen – Looking round Where is my Fanfare?

A knave appears SR with a trumpet S/FX

Darling I think we are not being taken seriously by our subjects

King – What makes you think that dear?

Queen – That fanfare for a start! Then there was the supermarket opening, there was more of us in the royal party than the public!

Libby – Perhaps it’s because the two of you have lost touch with your public

King – What makes you think that?

Libby – The Royal BBQ, what did you turn up with to eat?

King – Venison

Libby – Yes, dead deer

Queen – I know it is, our butcher spent hours preparing it, shows we have class

Libby – Mummy you just don’t get it, the public have been living in hard times, they’ve had to tighten their belts

King – Well they should eat more

Libby – They would if they could afford it

Queen – If they worked harder, they would earn more and then they could spend it on food

Libby – They do work harder it’s because you put their taxes up

Queen – Yes, a good idea of mine and I will be putting them up again to pay for our holiday! Now I’m off

King – Thought I could smell something

Queen – You are either very brave or very stupid. Now, I’m off to get my back waxed

Queen exits SR

Libby – Daddy you need to tell her to be more considerate, your public need to feel that they are appreciated and not being dictated to

King – I know she can be a little hard at times, I’ll have a word with her. Don’t worry

King exits SR

Puss enters SL and breaks wind S/FX

Libby – Sees Puss I thought that was another royal fanfare, hello who are you?

Jack enters SR

Jack – Puss

Libby – Looking in disbelief A talking cat! I can’t believe it!

Jack – And I am Jack

Libby – You’re a ventriloquist?

Jack – No I was behind Puss and you thought… it doesn’t matter

Libby – Hello Jack, I’m Libby

Puss curls up and goes to sleep

Jack – Do you live locally?

Libby – I live near the palace and you?

Jack – The palace, have you ever seen the King and Queen?

Libby – A few times!

Jack – What about their daughter?

Libby – Once or twice!

Jack – Is she as pretty as you?

Libby – I don’t know, who knows what pretty is?

Jack – I do and you are pretty

Libby – You haven’t seen the Princess yet!

Jack – I wouldn’t care

Libby – She has money!

Jack – Money isn’t the answer to everything. I would prefer to fall in love with a girl for being her and who would love me for me

Puss wakes up and stands between them listening to the conversation

Libby – Have you ever met such a girl?

Jack – Up until now, no! Have you?

Libby – Up until now, no! Have you?

Both – Looking lovingly into each other’s eyes No, Have you?

Enquire Now

Sleeping Beauty - Sample Script

A cloud above the land of Smileyville

Fairy bells (S/F) and orange lighting SR (L/F)

Fairy Sessile enters front apron right with 4 smaller tree fairies and addresses the audience

Fairy Sessile – Welcome my friends and I’m Fairy Sessile

I bring you news to make you feel
Joyous and happy of an event on earth
It is a heart-warming royal birth
A baby girl and such a beauty
In fact she is a real cutie

Gesturing to the smaller fairies

We must now go and be on our way
To prepare for the royal christening day

The smaller fairies exit front apron right

I love party makes everyone happy
Just pleased I’m not changing a nappy

Lighting changes to green on front apron left as Orabelle enters and talks to the audience

Orabelle – A royal birth after all this age

Not a mention on my facebook page

Talks to Sessile

Oi goody two shoes, a royal baby born?

Fairy Sessile – Orabelle!

It’s true and that will make you scorn

Orabelle – You would think so, but I am happy

Just don’t expect me to change a nappy

Fairy Sessile –  You pleased, you are always sour

Never been in a pub during happy hour

Orabelle – Well see you at the christening, maybe

Letting friends know, # royal baby

Fairy Sessile – You have no friends and stay away

They won’t want you at the christening day
Every time you’re mean and full of malice
That’s why you are banned from the royal palace

Orabelle – Banned, we’ll see, and try as they might

Just looking forward to getting my invite

Addressing the audience

Time to get ready to the party I’ll go
See you all there and I will say ‘hello’

Orabelle exits apron left

Ha ha ha ha ha

Lighting changes back

Fairy Sessile – This is not good news, Orabelle is nothing but trouble

Must get back to Smileyville right at the double  
We all thought she died ages ago
And was scaring horrible people below
Won’t tell the others it ruin their day
So must keep my guard up and keep her at bay
So my friends I now think it’s time
To get on with this pantomime

Curtain opens as Sessile walks off front apron right

Another Scene

The Royal Palace Ballroom

Full stage lighting to give impression of sunny day (L/F)

Song 1 – Chorus

End of song all leave except for 6 courtiers

Lord Ditherer enters upstage right, feather duster in one hand and tin of polish in the other and all in a dither

Ditherer – We have so much to do and not enough time to do it, new baby, palace in disarray, Queen Camilla will not be best pleased and then there will be heads to roll. Where is that useless excuse of an odd job man, Twitters?

Looks around the courtiers all shake their heads

He is never around when needed

1st courtier – Last time I saw him he was going to become an entrepreneur

Ditherer – Entre! What?

1st courtier – preneur

Ditherer – Ben Hur. He hasn’t got a horse, let alone a chariot

All – ENTREPRENEUR!!

Ditherer – What is that?

2nd Courtier – It’s a business magnate

Ditherer – Business magnate? He couldn’t even be a fridge magnet!

Now where is he, find him immediately and send him to me

All courtiers leave calling for Twitters
Twitters enters upstage left singing to himself

Ditherer – Where have you been? You should have been here 15 minutes ago

Twitters – Why, what happened?

Ditherer – What happened! Nothing happened

Twitters – Well I didn’t miss anything then

Ditherer – You are depriving the village of a very good idiot

Twitters – Thanks

Ditherer – What present did you buy the baby?

Twitters – I bought her a puppy

Ditherer – A puppy how lovely. Oh, have you sorted out the entertainment for this evening’s party?

Twitters – Well sort of, I have ordered a foam disco, photo booth, chocolate fountain and a bouncy castle

Ditherer – Foam disco, photo booth, chocolate fountain and a bouncy castle, it’s a christening not an 18 – 30 holiday. Cancel the lot and get us some musical entertainment

Twitters – How about Justin Bieber

Ditherer – That’s an oxymoron

Twitters – What is?

Ditherer – Musical entertainment, Justin Bieber an oxymoron

Twitters – I suppose he is

Ditherer – He’s so stupid he would have to get naked to count to 21. I’m off

Twitters – Thought I could smell something

Ditherer – I’m off to sort out all the arrangements, don’t let me down

Ditherer exits upstage left

Another Scene

Fingers and Thumbs enter upstage left followed by the King and Queen

Fingers – My lords, ladies and gentlemen

Thumbs – King Charles the spaniel and Queen Camilla

They start playing the royal fanfare

Queen – Oh Charles this is going to be the best party ever. The best food, the finest champagne, the best entertainment I’ve heard we have Justin Bieber!

King – Well that’s an oxymoron

Queen – Yes I’ve heard he is

King – He is not coming, too expensive, we had booked Lady Gaga, but she left as well after someone ate her dress!!!

Queen – I wonder who would have done that

Gran enters upstage right eating some meat

Gran – Hiya you two, just finishing off some meat which was on a hanger in the kitchen! Well I hope the party last longer than your money

King – What do you mean by that?

Gran – I know you have no money

King – How do you know I have no money?

Gran – I went to book my 18 – 30 Ibiza holiday on your travel account and they said you haven’t paid then for my last holiday on safari in Africa. I shot and elephant in my nightie, what he was doing in my nightie is another story

King – Africa! Safari! Ibiza! You 18 – 30 holiday, aren’t you a bit old for that?

Gran – 18, 30 that’s 48, plus vat, about right. Any way I am going to get ready for the party tonight. I’ve bought the best gift ever for the christening party

King – Who paid for that and what did you buy?

Gran – You did and you’ll have to wait, see you later I’m off to get ready

Gran exits upstage left as King speaks

King – There’s not enough hours for her to get anywhere near respectable let alone ready. Since she moved in 15 years ago she has made my life a misery

Queen – Don’t be so horrible gran has been an absolute godsend since little Libby was born

King – Godsend, does that mean we can return her!!!

Queen – I’m off to get ready for this evening, can you get Dame Ascope to bring the baby down so all our guests can marvel at her beauty

Queen exits upstage left followed by Fingers and Thumbs

King – Yes dear, what am I going to do there is so much uncertainty, the strength of the pound, weak interest rates, Brexit? I thought Brexit was something you ate for constipation

King exits upstage left

Another scene

Act 1

Scene 3 – full stage

The Palace gardens

Full stage lighting to give impression of sunny day (L/F)

Song 2 – Chorus

Chorus leave except 3 hand maidens, Princess Libby enters upstage left

Princess – What a beautiful day for my eighteenth birthday, I am so happy

All – Happy birthday Princess

Princess – Thank you all, I can’t wait for my party tonight, it is going to be the best party ever

1st Maiden – What are you going to wear

Princess – I am not sure at the moment, are all of you dressing up

2nd Maiden – Are we invited

Princess – You are all invited

3rd Maiden – Thank you Princess, can we go and get ready please

Princess – Of course you can, see you later

All 3 maidens leave upstage left

Princess – If only I could find someone who would love me for who I am and for me to love them for whom they are, it is not about having lots of money, being tremendously handsome, great body and a fantastic personality, is it? Yes of course it is, just trying to sound sincere.

King enters upstage left

King – There you are Libby, I’ve been looking for you. Are you excited about us throwing a ball at the palace tonight?

Queen enters upstage left

Queen – Why do you want to throw a ball at the palace? You might break a window and with your finances

King – Sometimes Camilla I wonder about you, I mean we are throwing a party

Queen – Well why didn’t you say that, instead of trying to be clever

Gran enters stage left

Gran – Trying to be clever, he’s so thick light bends round him

Gran exits stage right

King – I just wish she would show more respect. Libby this is going to be such a magnificent party all of neighbouring royalty and the rich and famous have been invited

Princess – How can I thank you both for putting on this party for me

Queen – By marrying a rich Prince

Princess – Mother I want to marry for love and not money

King – Yes and that’s what happened with me and your mum

Prologue

Enquire Now

Aladin - Sample Script

S/FX – Loud thunder L/FX – Green lighting

Abanazar enters SL

Abanazar – I am the great Abanazar the clever, cunning, handsome and most deliberately evil magician in all of Egypt and I am about to take over the whole world. You see I have simply outgrown this dump of a place and I am a bit tired of all this sand! World domination is my plan and lucky for you, points to the audience you are here to see the master at work. I do need some help from Seraphina the spirit of the magic ring. Abanazar talks to the ring Magic ring help me

L/FX – lights flash off and back on immediately

Seraphina enters through the centre of the curtains

Seraphina – You summoned me oh gracious one What is it I enquire?

Is it to make you young and handsome?  Is that your heart’ desire?

Abanazar – Young! Handsome! Why would I ask you for that? I am all of these things and more!

No, I want you to help me take over the whole world

Seraphina – To take over the whole world 

And you call this place a dump
I hope it is for greater good
Cause you are not Donald Trump!

Abanazar – Trump! With this hair! Listen I of course will be looking after the poor and needy aside to the audience me. So, tell me Seraphina how do I go about such an undertaking.

Seraphina – As your intentions are so true

And helping others with good deeds
To make your challenge easier
The magic lamp fulfils your needs     

Abanazar – Magic lamp! Tell me more about this intriguing magic lamp

Seraphina – The Lamp you seek is far away Hidden beneath the ground

There it lies for many years Completely safe and sound

Abanazar – Safe, sound, lies, hidden, far away, tell me more, I need to know

NOW!

Seraphina – To retrieve the lamp you can’t do alone

As the cave to where it’s hidden
Only allows honest folk in
As all evil it has ridden

Abanazar – Evil, why not me! Ok I can see some people might not have seen the true charitable me, so who?

Seraphina – You will need someone who is true of heart

Clever, strong and pure
And only then the lamp be freed
Of that you can be sure

Abanazar – True of heart, brave strong and pure, reminds me of what I was like in my youth. So, WHO is this person?

Seraphina – Your memory is quite select

You think you are quite swanky
The person you need and seek 
The son of Widow Twankey

Abanazar – Swanky, Twankey he sneezes where’s my hanky. Where will I find this desirable young boy?

Another Scene

Act 1
Scene 1 – Full stage

The Market Square in Pekin

Song 1

Full stage lighting to give impression of sunny day (L/FX) the villagers are having a good time singing and dancing. After the song all leave except for 4 villagers

Princess Libby and Polly Waddle Doodle enter in villager costumes USR

Villager 1 – What a great day it is, lovely weather seeing Princess and Polly hello you two, haven’t seen you before

Polly – No we are new to the area 

Villager 2 – Where are you from?

Libby – Oh a place you wouldn’t have heard of, it is miles away

 Villager 3 – So, are you sisters?

 Libby – Sounding flustered Yes!

 Polly – Yes, that’s right we are sisters

Villager 4 – Where do you live?

 Libby – Oh, on the outskirts of the town

 Villager 1 – Near the Palace then, have you ever seen the Princess?

Polly – Once or twice

Villager 2 – Is she as pretty as they say she is?

Libby – Pretty! The Princess is pretty

Villager 3 – So we are led to believe, even thou no-one has ever seen her face

Polly – aside to Libby So they say you are pretty 

Libby – Ssh, we don’t want them to find out who we are

Villager 4 – Well we will find out later as it is rumoured the Royal party will be coming through our village later today

Polly – Yes, we heard exactly the same thing

Villager 4 – Sorry, I didn’t catch your names

Aladdin enters USR and stops to look at Libby

Libby – Oh, I’m panic in her voice Libby, I mean Lilly, and this is err, err Poppy

Polly – That’s right we are Lilly and Poppy  

Aladdin – Hello Lilly, hello Poppy. My name is Aladdin

Libby looks lovingly at Aladdin

Polly – sees Libby falling for Aladdin come on Lilly we must be going, we have a lot to do, say goodbye

Libby – dreamily say goodbye Polly nudges her out of her dream Goodbye

Polly – Aside to Libby Doesn’t he look like the boy who you saw looking over the Palace wall

Libby – No, he was much taller

Polly – No, he had climbed on to the wall, so you couldn’t tell how tall he was

Libby – Realising Oh, I see

Polly guides Libby off USR

Aladdin – Who was that

She looks familiar
I am sure I have seen her before, she is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen

Villager – 1      As beautiful as the Princess that no one has ever seen close-up?

Aladdin – How would I know, I have only ever seen the Princess from a distance and it was difficult to see her clearly, but I suppose they do look similar, beautiful

Villager 2 – So you fell in love with the Princess at first sight! You couldn’t see her face clearly! And it’s against the law to look over the Palace wall. By the look on your face you’ve gone and done it again, well at least you know what she looks like!

Aladdin – I can’t help it if I’m a romantic. Where did she say she lived?

Villager 4 – On the outskirts of town, near the Palace

Villager 3 – That’s lucky for you to have both the girls of your dreams close together. You can go and sit on the Palace wall and watch them both, if the police don’t catch you 

All villagers exit USR laughing at Aladdin

Aladdin – You can laugh as much as you like. The police almost caught me just now, but I managed to outrun them, anyway one day I will be with the girl of my dreams and live happily ever after

Song 2

After the song Aladdin exits S/R

Another Scene

Abanazar enters SR

Twankey – Twankey’s laundrette won’t run itself

Abanazar – To the audience Twankey’s! walks up to Widow Twankey hello beautiful this must be my lucky day

Twankey – Are you talking to me 

Abanazar – Do you see anyone else I could be talking to?

Twankey – looking round No I don’t. The last man who said that to me was laying under a table in our local pub, The Pickled Liver, with a bottle of Prosecco and Labrador

Abanazar – I was hoping I could get to know you over a coffee

Twankey – A coffee! I’m not cheap you know, but luckily today I’m on special offer

Abanazar – So young lady Twankey looks round What is such a stunner doing out by themselves?

Twankey – Stunner, how true! Well if you must know I’ve been drying my smalls. I don’t believe we’ve met

Abanazar – No we haven’t I am a complete stranger

Twankey – I thought as much, as soon as I saw you I thought ‘he’s stranger’

Abanazar – Apologies. I am Abanazar and I knew your late husband

Twankey – Late! Well he never turned up on time. When and where did you meet him?

Abanazar – About 10 years ago. He was in a dark pace, wandering around looking bewildered

Twankey – Where, where was he?

Abanazar – The textiles department in IKEA. He asked me to do him a favour as we parted

Twankey – A favour, what was that?

Abanazar – To look after you and your family and to take care of your every need

Twankey – Well if that’s the case you owe me a thousand pound in child maintenance! There’s also my womanly needs that require attention

Abanazar – looking very nervous like what?

Twankey – Like what all woman need to keep them satisfied and to make sure they don’t go looking else where

Abanazar – You mean

Twankey – Yes, a foot rub and a new pair of shoes!

Abanazar – To the audience I feel sick! I must find her son. Dame Twankey I can’t wait to meet your son

Twankey – You must pop down to my laundrette and perhaps I could help you out of your dusty clothing and freshen you up

Abanazar – Nice offer, but if you don’t mind I am fine as I am

Twankey – Oh, I insist, and I won’t charge you to the audience only a slight run up she tries to put her arm around him

Abanazar – Pulling away excuse me, please don’t rub me up the wrong way

Twankey – You should be so lucky! Oh, come on all for free

Abanazar – If you don’t mind money is not a problem for me I am a millionaire with a large endowment!

Another Scene

Abanazar enters SR

Twankey – Twankey’s laundrette won’t run itself

Abanazar – To the audience Twankey’s! walks up to Widow Twankey hello beautiful this must be my lucky day

Twankey – Are you talking to me 

Abanazar – Do you see anyone else I could be talking to?

Twankey – looking round No I don’t. The last man who said that to me was laying under a table in our local pub, The Pickled Liver, with a bottle of Prosecco and Labrador

Abanazar – I was hoping I could get to know you over a coffee

Twankey – A coffee! I’m not cheap you know, but luckily today I’m on special offer

Abanazar – So young lady Twankey looks round What is such a stunner doing out by themselves?

Twankey – Stunner, how true! Well if you must know I’ve been drying my smalls. I don’t believe we’ve met

Abanazar – No we haven’t I am a complete stranger

Twankey – I thought as much, as soon as I saw you I thought ‘he’s stranger’

Abanazar – Apologies. I am Abanazar and I knew your late husband

Twankey – Late! Well he never turned up on time. When and where did you meet him?

Abanazar – About 10 years ago. He was in a dark pace, wandering around looking bewildered

Twankey – Where, where was he?

Abanazar – The textiles department in IKEA. He asked me to do him a favour as we parted

Twankey – A favour, what was that?

Abanazar – To look after you and your family and to take care of your every need

Twankey – Well if that’s the case you owe me a thousand pound in child maintenance! There’s also my womanly needs that require attention

Abanazar – looking very nervous like what?

Twankey – Like what all woman need to keep them satisfied and to make sure they don’t go looking else where

Abanazar – You mean

Twankey – Yes, a foot rub and a new pair of shoes!

Abanazar – To the audience I feel sick! I must find her son. Dame Twankey I can’t wait to meet your son

Twankey – You must pop down to my laundrette and perhaps I could help you out of your dusty clothing and freshen you up

Abanazar – Nice offer, but if you don’t mind I am fine as I am

Twankey – Oh, I insist, and I won’t charge you to the audience only a slight run up she tries to put her arm around him

Abanazar – Pulling away excuse me, please don’t rub me up the wrong way

Twankey – You should be so lucky! Oh, come on all for free

Abanazar – If you don’t mind money is not a problem for me I am a millionaire with a large endowment!

Prologue

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